They're Here
by sendintheclowns
Summary: Sam and Dean are still grappling with their grief but they have to find a way to get back to normal.
1. Chapter 1

A week after Sam talked to Dean in the junkyard...

Dean steps into Bobby's kitchen from the outside to get something to drink, relieved that Sam is nowhere in sight. They've both been avoiding each other and Dean is grateful for the reprieve.

It's late morning and Bobby is in the kitchen. He pours Dean a cup of coffee from the stained carafe perched on the avocado colored counter. The coffee has a lot of bite to it but it's just what Dean needs to clear his head. As he glances around the kitchen Dean thinks it's past time that Bobby updated the 70's decorating scheme (avocado green?!) but beggars can't be choosers and Bobby is providing them with a place to stay, free of charge. And a place to put the Impala back together.

"I need to run into town for some stuff," Bobby rasped. He doesn't talk overly much and at times his voice sounds as though it's forgotten how to work. "Are you going to stick around the house for a while?"

"I was going to go back out and work on the Impala but if you need some help I'm sure Sam would be happy to oblige," Dean stated. Sam wasn't useful with the car and Dean couldn't stand to have him and his guilty conscience around while he was working on the car so Sam had taken to helping Bobby with the household chores. But Dean had the feeling that he was missing something in the conversation because Bobby had a strange look on his face.

"It's none of my business, but you two seem a little out of synch. Is everything okay between you two blockheads?" Bobby drawled softly.

"You're right, it's none of your business. But so you don't get your panties in a twist I'll tell you -- we're doing just fine," Dean said with a note of finality. He couldn't understand where Bobby was coming from. Up until now Bobby had left him in peace and that was something Dean really appreciated. Why was everyone trying to stick their nose in his business?

"I think there's something wrong with Sam," Bobby spit out. "I've been watching him and I think he was hurt a lot worse in that crash then he's letting on. Your brother's upstairs trying to shake a headache or something right now. I'm not sure he should be left alone"

"You've got to be kidding me. They didn't even admit him at the hospital. He practically walked away from that crash without a scratch. And besides, as Sam is so fond of telling me, he's a big boy and can take care of himself," Dean barked out. He dragged his hand slowly through his hair and over his face. This whole situation just keeps getting better and better he thought to himself.

"How would you know? You were on life support and Sam didn't know if you were going to make it. Your dad was unconscious. Sam signed himself out. What's that fancy term? Against Medical Advice. He said he was the only one in any shape to protect you even though he could barely hold himself upright. But you're right, it's none of my business. I'm going into town and I'll be back later this afternoon." For the taciturn Bobby that was pretty much a speech. And with that Bobby banged out of the house.

Dean gulps a mouthful of coffee, thinking about how he knows he hurt Sam by telling him his efforts were too little, too late but he just can't deal with Sammy and his Drama. He doesn't have the energy for it. He just wants to get through the day. Is that too much to ask? But Sammy's got to drag every emotion, every nuance, practically every thought he's ever had out into the open and bludgeon it to death. He's just not going to be happy until everyone within a 60 mile radius is dragged down, too. But Sam's physically fine. Isn't he? Isn't he?

Dean rinses his cup in the sink and drags himself back outside to the car. Things had really been coming together before Sam's little confession the other day. That little temper tantrum had set the repairs back on the car by a day or two. "What a bitch! I don't even know if I'm talking about the state of the car of Sam. And now I'm talking to myself. That's just great." Dean began to hammer out the damage to the trunk. He tried not to dwell on what Bobby had said to him but his mind kept drifting back to Sam.

Sam seemed unable to focus since their dad died. Considering he was grieving for his father that didn't seem like unreasonable behavior. No more unreasonable than Dean's anger and desire to place blame on anyone's shoulders. Anything to ease the guilt. Even if that meant taking it out on Sam. Sam just needs to give him some space. He didn't even want to think about what his dad had told him, whispered to him, before he abandoned Dean and Sam. Abandoned. Wow, where had that come from? Just focus on the car. I can't deal with this now.

As Dean continued pounding out the dents in the car, he found himself cataloguing Sam's visible injuries. It had been more than two weeks since Dean was released from the hospital and Sam still sported a shiner under his right eye. It was fading but it really shouldn't be taking so long, should it? And sometimes he caught Sam rubbing his chest and stomach. It was usually out of the corner of Dean's eye that he saw this because as soon as Dean would turn his head Sam would stop. What's up with that? And sometimes when Sam stood up it seemed as though he might be dizzy, seeking his equilibrium. But he wasn't complaining about it and Sammy could always be counted on to complain. Unless it was something serious. Maybe something was going on with Sammy and it had slipped under his radar.

"Screw this." Dean slams down the Impala's trunk and stalks into Bobby's house. Once inside he stomps up the stairs to the den that Sam has been using as a bedroom. "Sammy, get your ass out of bed. Now." Dean stands outside of the room listening. He can't hear anything. He raps on the door with the knuckles on his right hand. "Sammy, I'm not kidding. I'm coming in so you'd better be decent." Dean pounds on the door with his fist. "That's it, I'm coming in."

Dean turns the door handle and is relieved that the door isn't locked. The blinds are drawn so it takes a moment for Dean's eyes to adjust to the low lighting. Sam is sprawled on his back, draped across the ratty, brown leather couch pushed up against the window. His left leg is bent at the knee with the foot sitting on the floor and the right leg is hanging over the end of the couch. He really is too big for the couch. But Dean remembers that Sam insisted that he, Dean, take the bed in the spare bedroom since he was recovering from such serious injuries. Sam's left arm is lying next to his body and his right arm is lying protectively over his stomach. His face is obscured with his head turned so that he's facing the back of the couch.

"Okay Sammy, quit screwing around. It's time to wake up." Sam doesn't even twitch. Before, when they were kids, and before Jessica's death, Sam was a sound sleeper. But he always woke up when someone was in his personal space. Lately Sam startles awake easily. Too easily.

Dean kneels down next to the couch and grasps Sam's left forearm with both hands. Still no response from Sam. Dean, starting to feel anxious, grabs Sam around each biceps and lifts him up so that's he's partially sitting. But Dean notices that instead of opening his eyes Sam's head tips back. Dean gives Sam a sharp shake. And again. "Sam! Sammy!" No change. Sam's head wobbles up and down, back and forth, but he doesn't wake up. Dean lays Sam back down slowly and brushes the hair from his face. His head is now tilted to the left at an awkward angle.

Dean tilts Sam's head back and notes his airway is unobstructed. Dean reaches his middle and index fingers on his right hand out and gently touches Sam's pulse on his left wrist. "Okay, good. You've got a pulse. But it's fast. What's going on, kiddo? Why won't you wake up for me?" Dean's hand gently holds Sam's wrist while contemplating his next move.

It's then that Dean notices how slim Sam's wrist is in his gentle grasp. He can practically fit his thumb and middle finger around the wrist. Sam has really dropped the weight in the last year. For some reason Dean turns his head to the right and sees two prescription bottles sitting on the rickety table next to the couch.

"What do we have here? Vicodin and Ambien. Pain killer and sleeping pill. What in the hell is going on here?!"

Dean hears an intake of breath and turns back to Sam whose eyelids are beginning to flutter. Dean holds Sam's left hand between his two hands, slowly chafing it. "Come on sleeping beauty. I'm waiting for a sign here." Sam's eyes slowly open but they're fixed straight ahead. Seeing yet not really seeing. "They're coming," Sam whispers.

"Sammy, what's going on, dude. You need to snap out of it and tell me what's going on with you." Dean is trying to be patient but the situation is wearing on him.

Sam slowly turns his head to the left and looks at Dean. But it's almost as if Sam is looking through Dean. Dean can see that Sam's pupils are blown. Sam suddenly jerks upright, thrusting his feet on the floor. Dean quickly puts his right arm behind Sam's back, before Sam can fall over again. Sam is dazed and continues blinking slowing. "We need to hide. They're coming." Sam is shaking his head from side to side and Dean can see that he's becoming agitated.

"Sammy, I'm right here. You're scaring me. How many of these feel good pills did you take?" At that moment it occurs to Dean that Sam may be having a vision. In the past Sam hasn't talked while having a vision but maybe that's changed.

Dean sits down next to Sam, his arm still around Sam's shoulder. He can feel Sam shaking. Sam shifts away from Dean and turns to face him. Sam's big brown eyes continue to slowly blink and he roughly swallows. "It's too late. They're here," Sam sighs softly. His eyes roll back into his head and he slumps forward into Dean's arms. Dean cradles him softly in his arms.

"Shhh, Sammy, it's going to be okay." Dean slowly rocks Sam back and forth. "I told you nothing bad was going to happen to you and I meant it. I'll make it better. Just as soon as I figure out what's happening here." Dean tucks Sam's head under his chin and continues to rock him.

Dean has pulled a stool up next to the couch and is sitting there waiting for Sam to wake up. As Sam's eyelids begin to flutter again Dean sighs, "It's about freakin time, dude."

"Dean, what's going on? What are you doing in here?" Sam is confused but at least coherent. He sits up under his own steam with his right arm still lying over his stomach.

"You decided to trip out on some nice drugs and I've been waiting for you to snap out of it. Did you take these drugs together? Have you lost your mind?! Why didn't you tell me you were taking meds?!! I though we weren't keeping secrets from each other?!!! Dean's voice raised up a notch with each sentence until he was screaming at Sam.

"What are you talking about? I didn't take any pills. I haven't taken anything since you got out of the hospital. I was so tired I must have just crashed. But that doesn't explain what you're doing in here." Sam quietly murmured, "I wasn't even awake. How could I have pissed you off this time?"

Sam's bangs are hanging in his eyes and Dean reaches forward to sweep them out of the way. He needs to see that Sam is okay and Sam's eyes truly are the windows to his soul. Unfortunately Sam flinches away from Dean's hand. "I just want to make sure you're okay, freak. Let me look at your pupils." Dean is hurt that Sam thinks he would harm him and his tone of voice comes out all wrong. He sounds much too aggressive.

"I'm fine Dean. I've been respecting your privacy. It would be nice if you did the same for me." Sam delivered these words without heat. In fact they came out flat. And Sam still wouldn't meet Dean's eyes.

"You know what? Fine. You've got your privacy. But the Impala is almost ready to roll and I expect you to get your act together so you can watch my back. Do you think you're up to that task Sammy?" Dean shrugged at the hostility in his own voice.

"We're leaving here already?" Sam said with the first hint of vulnerability he'd shown since waking to find Dean up in his face. "I thought we could use Bobby's as a home base for a while. I thought things were working out well here."

"Well you thought wrong. We should be ready to leave in a few days so you'd best pull your head out of your ass," Dean snarled before stomping out of the room. Dean yanked the door shut behind him with a bang.

Dean thought about what had just transpired. He had been so overcome with anger at Sam that he never even asked about Sam's vision. Sam seemed fine so Dean would just concentrate on meeting his deadline so they could get the hell away from Bobby and his prying eyes.

Sam was in the upstairs bathroom splashing water on his face. Dean had finished working on the Impala and already had a gig lined up. A vampire nest needed their personal attention. "They're here." Sam whirled around. Who said that? Sometimes Sam felt like he was losing his mind. He kept hearing that phrase over and over. Sam couldn't talk to Dean about this because lately Dean seemed upset with him. Sam had always depended on Dean to keep him safe and grounded. Apparently Dean didn't want that job anymore and it was time Sam learned to, as Dean had so colorfully put it, pull his head out of his ass.

Dean leaned on the horn. "Come on Sam. Get the lead out. We've got places to go, people to see, yada, yada, yada." Dean was eager to resume the hunt. His black beauty was road ready. Sam had been leaving him alone. No attempted heart to heart talks. No staring. No sighing. Lady luck seemed to once again be shining down on him.

Sam walked down the stairs and out the front door. He stopped in front of Bobby but seemed loath to stay goodbye. "You know Sam, you've always got a place to stay here whenever you need a break." Bobby tried to catch Sam's eye but Sam was staring into the distance. "I don't understand what the rush is but if you're going with Dean you'd better make tracks."

"Thanks for everything, Bobby," Sam said quietly.

Everything about Sam seemed toned down lately. He still talked but he didn't initiate conversations. Before he always wanted to know why something had to be done a certain way. He had a scholarly inquisitiveness that was by turns endearing and irritating. But for the last couple of days he seemed to be accepting of things. Unwilling to argue or lacking the energy to do so.

In contrast Dean seemed restless and angry. Bobby didn't hold with the way Dean had been treating Sam. Almost as if he was a second class citizen or the village idiot. But Sam wasn't doing or saying anything to change things. And everyone knew how close Dean had been to his father so if anyone deserved a little slack now it was Dean. As nice as it had been to have the young men around for company it would be nice to get things back to normal. He just wondered if Dean and Sam would ever find their normal again.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Set shortly after the conclusion of Bloodlust…

Dean and Sam were on their way back to Ellen's. Dean didn't feel much like talking. He had AC/DC turned up and was enjoying the breeze blowing in the window of the Impala. The hunt hadn't gone the way Dean had planned but he felt good that they had survived their first gig out of the blocks after the car accident. But damn, it felt good to be on the road again. He glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eye.

"Dude, quit fidgeting." Sam kept pulling at the gauze bandage wrapped around his left forearm. "You're going to ruin my work if you keep messing with it." Gordon had really put a scare into Dean by pulling a knife on Sam. Gordon had only slashed Sam's arm but for a moment he thought Gordon was going for Sam's jugular. Dean didn't want to dwell on his misjudgment of Gordon but to atone for his mistake he had insisted on cleaning and dressing Sam's arm.

"Sorry, it itches. I didn't even know I was doing it." Sam made a show of removing his right hand from his left arm and putting it out the window. The wind felt good running through his spread fingers.

Usually after a job Sam would be reviewing what had gone down. Dean usually just nodded his head and made noises of agreement. Dean liked to unwind by listening to music while Sam needed to talk. But this time Sam was silent. It didn't seem like he was brooding. And he wasn't sleeping. He was just being. Dean was enjoying this change in the status quo.

"I wonder if Jo will be around," Dean said out of the blue.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me," Sam wondered. "Where there's an attractive girl you can be found hot on the trail."

Dean scowled. "There's no need to sound superior. There's nothing wrong with getting a little rest and relaxation when we can fit it in. Can I help it if I find spending time with the opposite sex restful and relaxing?"

"Just don't do anything to piss off Ellen. She said we could stay in the place out back and since we're low on funds it's the perfect set up." Sam enjoyed talking to Ellen. She was laid back yet kind of maternal. He found it comforting to be around her. He hoped Dean wouldn't blow it by trying to get into Jo's pants.

They pulled up in back of the bar. To their left was a beat up blue Ford truck. Sticking out from underneath the front of the truck were two long jean clad legs. Dean just shook his head. As much as he enjoyed working on his car he'd had his fill of it trying to breathe life back into Metallicar.

"Let's go grab a beer and see what's going on here," Dean said as they stepped from the brilliant light of the outdoors into the dark bar. "I've spotted my prey. I'll be back in a minute." Dean strolled over to Jo behind the bar and started lightly flirting. His heart really wasn't in it, although he liked Jo, but he was trying to inject some normalcy into the proceedings. Sam would really worry about him and his coping skills if he suddenly quit women.

Sam nodded to Jo but walked over to Ellen at the other end of the bar. "Hey sweetie, it's nice to see you again. Did you decide to take me up on my offer and stay here for a while?"

"Thanks Ellen. That would be great. And thanks for the tip about Gordon. He was exactly as you had described him." Sam looked around the bar.

"I'm just glad you're both alright. Like I said, Gordon's a great hunter but he doesn't distinguish between friends and enemies." Ellen looked Sam over. "You are okay, right?"

Sam held his left arm up and pulled his sleeve back to reveal the bandage. "Just a little misunderstanding. But Dean explained things to Gordon." Sam didn't want to think of Dean's temptation to the "dark side" at the moment. He was just glad that Dean had come around when it mattered. Sam hadn't really been scared for himself but Lenore hadn't done anything to deserve the wrath of Gordon. "Hey Ellen, do you know if Ash is around?"

"Sure honey. He's outside working on that piece of junk he calls a truck. In fact he's been out there for about five hours. I'm surprised he hasn't come in for lunch." Ellen just shook her head. "For someone who's so bright he sure needs a keeper sometimes."

"I'll go check on him. And thanks for letting us stay here. We really appreciate it," Sam earnestly said.

Ellen glanced over to Jo and Dean at the other end of the bar. "I don't doubt that you both appreciate it."

Sam stepped outside into the bright sun. "Hey Ash, its Sam. Ellen said you missed your feeding time." The body jerked and it sounded like a forehead met the underside of the truck.

"God, that hurts. Warn a guy next time, would ya." Ash pulled himself out from under the truck rubbing his forehead. He put his hand out to shake Sam's hand. "I must have fallen asleep. Let's go get something to eat. I've got some ideas that I want to bounce off you and your brother." Sam didn't know how seriously to take Ash. The mullet was distracting but Ash had figured out their Dad's papers. And he said he'd gone to MIT. Sam knew better then to judge a book by its cover. He thought maybe Ash would be a good ally. And maybe even a friend.

"Dean is a little busy right now but I've got some time," Sam said. He realized he was scratching and pulling at his left forearm again. Talking to Ash would be the perfect distraction to his healing wound.

Dean and Jo were getting along well. If Dean were in a different state of mind he thinks he would really make a play for Jo. As it was she seemed content to talk and flirt.

"So can you tell me what happened on your hunt?" Jo asked. She was partially fascinated and partially repelled by the hunter lifestyle. But she was very much fascinated with Dean.

"Sam got his ass whooped again but I was able to save the day as usual," Dean said while pretending to puff out his chest.

"That's funny, Sam looks like he could take care of himself," Jo said glancing across the bar where Ash and Sam were intensely discussing something. Dean looked over and was surprised to see Sam listening earnestly to Ash. Ash kind of seemed like a joke but he had been to MIT. The two college boys were hitting it off. For some reason that sent a kick of resentment through Dean. After all, Sam had left Dean for college.

"You would think so. But he's really more like an emotional girl always in some kind of distress. He really should have been a Samantha." Dean was just joking around and knew Jo got that even though she smacked Dean in the chest and flounced off. The chase was on. But first Dean wanted to check on Sam who was rubbing his left forearm again.

Dean walked up behind Sam and Ash's table and overheard Ash say, "Looks like you got nailed with a right hook." Ash was pointing to the new bruise forming on Sam's left cheekbone.

"Yeah, I can honestly say I didn't see that one coming," Sam replied softly. He put his left hand up to his cheek and the sleeve pulled back to reveal the gauze bandage.

"What about that one?" Ash asked pointing to Sam's arm.

"Someone wanted to teach me a lesson but Dean saved the day," Sam answered.

"You mean saved the day as usual. Sorry to interrupt but I need to borrow Sam for a moment. I want to check that arm again. You can't seem to leave it alone." Something about Ash bothered Dean. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"I know a little something about medicine. Why don't you let me take a look?" Ash was rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Let's step outside where the light is better," Dean said. "Thanks for the offer, but I can take care of my own brother." The words were delivered in an easy going way but there was no mistaking the steely look in Dean's eyes.

Ash put his hands in the air, palm up. "Have at it. We can talk later, Sammy."

"It's Sam," Dean spit out. He grabbed Sam by the right arm and practically dragged him outside.

"That was pretty rude," Sam said. "What do you have against Ash? Let me guess, you're jealous of his hair?" Sam's sense of humor still seemed to be intact. But he was looking at Dean expectantly.

"Ash is fine. I just want to see why you're acting like someone dumped ants in your pants." Dean expertly unwrapped Sam's arm. "I don't like this Sammy. It looks kind of raw. Maybe there was something on that knife. I'm going to grab the holy water. I don't know why I didn't do that before." He grabbed a bag out of the car searching through it. "This might sting so try to take it like a man."

"I think I know what it feels like by now, Dean. Can we get this over with already?" Sam was prepared to flinch but when Dean poured the holy water on his arm he didn't feel anything but the soreness and itching he'd been experiencing. No sizzling. No vapor. Nothing.

"I think that will do the trick. Let me wrap you back up and you can get back to your scintillating conversation with the mullet man." Dean gently wrapped fresh gauze around the wound. After he tied it off he threw the bag back into the car and went back into the bar. He didn't look at or speak to Sam as he disappeared inside.

I just can't win, Sam thought to himself. I'm not supposed to bother Dean but I'm not supposed to talk to other people. I think I'll lay down for a while. Sam rubbed his forehead with his right hand. Dean's making my head spin.

Sam stepped back into the bar and approached Ash. "I'm going to grab some shut eye. We were up all night. Maybe see you this evening?" Ash nodded his head yes and Sam slipped out the door toward the building behind the bar.

Sam came out of the bathroom and sat down on a chair next to a window. The place was pretty small but it was clean. There was a small kitchenette inside of the door to the right. To the left was a small table with two chairs next to a window. The bathroom was straight back from that and two twin beds were to the right. Not as nice as some of the places they had stayed but nicer than most.

Sam was too keyed up to sleep. He had changed and washed but he wasn't quite ready to lay down. From the window he could see the back of the bar and pretty green hillside. He stifled a yawn. Maybe he could sleep after all.

Sam pulled the blinds and climbed into the bed nearest the table. Before he knew it he was asleep. At first his rest seemed peaceful. Then he started twitching and jerking in his sleep. That stopped abruptly as he sat up and swung his legs onto the floor. He slowly stood up and moved back to the chair by the window. He was blinking slowly and looking around. His eyes had a glazed look. His too pale face was sporting a flush across his cheeks.

Sam looked at the window, blinds still drawn, with a forlorn expression on his face. "Are you really here?" he asked. He put his right hand out and touched the window.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jo was busy taking drink orders so Dean was at loose ends. He saw Ash watching Sam leave the bar and decided it was time he and Ash had a chat. Dean pulled up a chair at Ash's table.

"So, you managed to chase Sam off?" Ash asked.

"What is it with you and my brother? You want to date him or something? Because I gotta tell ya, he doesn't swing that way," Dean harshly bit out.

"I don't swing that way either – not that there's anything wrong with that – but Sam is an interesting guy and I enjoy talking with him. I've got to ask you man, is Sam your chew toy or something?" Ash replied.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean was losing patience with Ash.

"You know. You've had your fun chewing on the toy but you've lost interest in it. But it's your toy so no one else can go near it either. You're like a German Sheppard protecting your discarded chew toy." Ash sat back looking satisfied with himself.

Dean just shook his head. "You are one strange dude. No wonder you and Sammy hit it off."

"I've got lots more observations like that on life. How about I get us a pitcher, on me, and we can discuss them?" Ash was enjoying making Dean squirm.

Just then Jo walked up to the boys. "I'll bring you a pitcher. Ash fancies himself an armchair psychiatrist. He's a real student of humanity. You're in for quite a treat Dean. Sit back and enjoy the show." Jo whirled around and moved toward the bar to get their beer. Dean felt trapped into listening to Ash but since Jo wasn't available and he wasn't tired yet he might as well enjoy the free beer.

Ash and Dean consumed a pitcher of beer and made small talk about the different parts of the country they had seen. Ash kept trying to bring the conversation back to family dynamics but it wasn't until they were on their second pitcher of beer before Dean allowed Ash to warm to his intended topic. Dean, tired from being up all night and feeling mellow from the beer, allowed Ash to steer the conversation back around to the Winchester family.

"Sam mentioned something about causing a rift in your family when he went to school but he didn't elaborate. What's up with that?" Ash leaned forward to hear Dean's answer.

"You're right, it's none of your business." Dean couldn't believe this guy. He had somewhat enjoyed his conversation with Ash up to this point and was definitely enjoying the free beer. But Dean didn't intend to reveal anything to Ash and was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

"Your dad sounds like he might have had control issues," Ash probed further.

"Don't pussyfoot around the subject, Ash. Why don't you just come right out and say would you mean? Thanks for the family psychoanalysis. I think I've had enough." Dean didn't wait for Ash's response and practically knocked over several patrons on his way to the door. Dean felt the surge of anger that had been a constant companion lately. After trying to walk off his anger outside Dean thought he'd check their new digs out. With a little luck Sam would already be fast asleep and Dean wouldn't be subjected to anymore irritating conversations.

Dean entered the small building that he and Sam were to call home for the next little while and immediately realized that something was wrong. Sam was sitting at the table next to the door but was staring at the window. That would have been okay, however, the blinds were drawn closed so there was nothing to see.

As Dean stepped toward the table Sam placed his right palm against the window and leaned forward. He rocked back and forth mumbling to someone only he could see. His face had a pink glow that would have looked healthy if only the rest of his face weren't so pale and drawn. The bags under his eyes dark and pronounced. Sam was staring blankly as if into the distance.

"Wait, come back," Sam hoarsely whispered. "Don't leave me alone."

Dean cautiously approached Sam. "Sammy, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in bed?" Sam didn't acknowledge Dean's presence.

"Sam, are you sleep walking again? I remember when you hit a growth spurt around 15 and you took up sleep walking as though it were the national past time for a couple of weeks. I don't think you could possibly get taller so that's not it. What's going on Sam?" Dean was speaking to Sam in his 'gentling the spooked horse' voice but to no avail. Sam wasn't responding to Dean.

Dean gently grabbed Sam's left biceps and turned him away from the window. Dean could see that Sam's eyes were unfocussed and he felt feverish to the touch.

"Come on Sammy. It's time to go to bed now." Dean was trying hard not to freak out but Sam's appearance was sickly and his behavior was disturbing. Dean flashed back to the scene at Bobby's. Something was seriously wrong with his little brother.

Dean leaned over, reached out and took Sam's chin in his hand. "Sammy, are you in there?"

Sam shuttered and blinked. "Dean, what's going on?" Sam slowly blinked up at Dean.

"I'd like to know the answer to that myself," Dean answered. "How are you feeling? You don't look so good."

"My head hurts." Sam began to shiver, at first slowly and then the chills seemed to pick up more steam. "Can I lay down now?" Sam's voice quivered.

"Come on. I'll give you a hand." Dean grabbed Sam's right arm and pulled him up. Sam stood up but then lurched toward the table. He stumbled as he put both palms on the table top and swayed.

"Whoa. I've got you Sammy." Dean was startled at how weak and uncoordinated Sam seemed to be. Dean took Sam's right arm and put it over his shoulder. He was trying to be careful of the wound on Sam's left forearm. "We're going to take a couple of steps and then you can lay down, okay?"

Sam nodded and wobbled over to the bed with Dean's help. "Do you think I could have something for my headache?" Sam whispered as he collapsed onto the bed.

"First I'm going to take your temperature and then we'll decide what you need. Who were you talking to when I came in?" Dean rifled through one of his bags and took out a digital thermometer. He deftly slid it under Sam's tongue. Sam peered at Dean through his bangs. "I know, you can't answer me with the thermometer in your mouth. Can you hang onto it for me?" Sam still seemed unsteady to Dean.

The thermometer beeped as Dean returned with a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin. "I'll take that," Dean said as he removed the thermometer from Sam's mouth. "It says 102.3. It's not an earth shattering fever but I think we'd better get that temperature down. Here, take these." Dean shook two aspirin into Sam's hand and watched him gulp them down with the water. "Maybe we ought to find a doctor."

"Could I just sleep for a while? Please Dean? I think I'm just really tired." Sam was pleading with Dean.

Dean was unsure of what to do about Sam. They had been up all night dealing with the Gordon mess. Maybe Sam did just need some rest. Maybe he would be better in the morning.

"Okay Sam. Let's get you situated and we'll see how you are in the morning." Dean helped Sam lay back and pulled the covers over him, folding them down and smoothing them across Sam's chest. "Call me if you need anything, okay?" Sam didn't answer. He was already asleep.

Once again Dean realized that he had no idea if Sam had been having a vision. He was determined to get to the bottom of this. But it would have to wait until tomorrow because Sam was in no shape to answer questions right now. Dean pulled the chair Sam had vacated over to the bed and tried to make himself comfortable. Sam seemed to be resting peacefully at the moment but Dean wanted to be close by should Sam take a turn for the worse.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Dean was abruptly awakened by something. He rolled his neck from side to side as he straightened in the chair. Sam was panting shallowly and when Dean reached out and touched Sam's forehead he was cold and clammy.

"Is it time to go?" Sam said softly between rapid breathes. "They said it was almost time." Dean couldn't tell if Sam was aware of his surroundings or if he was delirious.

"Yeah, Sammy. I think it's way past time to go. I'm going to call Ellen and then we'll get you some help." Dean was rubbing his thumb back in forth across Sam's right arm in attempt to keep him calm.

Dean fumbled with his cell phone and found Ellen's number. "Hi Ellen. It's Dean. Sam is sick and he needs a doctor right away. Can you tell me where the nearest one is?" Dean was trying hard to sound calm but he was on the verge of panicking. He knew he needed to get Sam medical help right away. "Oh shit, never mind. I think he's having a seizure. Can you call 911 for me, please?" It was official. Dean had lost his composure.

The next fifteen minutes went by in a blur. Dean knew Ellen was in the room and she was trying to help him with Sam. At first Sam's shaking had been so intense he had practically fallen off the bed and it was all Dean could do to keep him safely on it. Finally the shaking stopped but Sam's breathes were coming in shuttering gasps. Ellen was suddenly there with a wet cloth and was wiping Sam's face.

"Dean, honey. Let the EMTs do their job." Ellen was touching Dean on the arm, trying to draw him back. Dean hadn't even heard the ambulance pull up. He was so busy watching Sam fight for breath he was oblivious to what was going on around him. He was loath to lose contact with Sam but he forced himself to stumble back and make room for the medical help that Sam so desperately needed.

Dean watched in disbelief as the three EMTs called out vital signs, strapped an oxygen mask to Sam's face and started an IV. Dean thought they were asking him questions but he couldn't seem to pull himself together and focus on what they were saying.

Ellen touched Dean's arm again. "Come on Dean. We'll follow Sam to the hospital."

"I want to stay with him." Dean didn't want to let Sammy out of his sight.

"There's not enough room in the ambulance. We'll follow in my car. Come on Dean, Sam needs you to hold it together now." Ellen felt compassion for Dean but right now she was focused on getting Dean to the hospital in good enough condition to answer any questions the doctors might have about Sam.

Dean watched the EMTs quickly load Sam into the back of the ambulance and race off into the night, sirens screaming and lights blaring. How had things deteriorated so quickly?

Dean and Ellen burst into the ER. Dean ran up to the admissions desk. "Where's Sam Winchester?" he demanded. He tried to calm down but he really needed to see Sam.

"Are you with Sam Winchester?" A nurse bustled up to Dean and told him to follow her back to triage. "The doctor is assessing your brother right now but we were able to stabilize him." Dean felt weak with relief. He followed the nurse into a room where he finally got a look at Sam.

Sam still looked like hell but the nurse had assured him that he was stable. His breathing wasn't as labored but he was still unconscious. That was definitely bad in Dean's book. They had all sorts of beeping equipment hooked up to Sam. A heart monitor, pulse oximeter and blood pressure cuff were all attached to Sammy. For such a tall guy he looked dwarfed by the equipment.

"Okay, I want a complete blood panel and a UA. Also get a culture of that wound. It looks like his arm is infected so we'll need to start a broad spectrum antibiotic stat." The doctor was barking out orders in a competent manner and Dean relaxed marginally.

"Are you the brother? I'm Doctor Jackson and I'll be treating Sam. I'd like to get a history from you about Sam. We're already well aware of some of his symptoms -- fever, seizure, and dehydration – and have begun treating those. Can you tell me about how he hurt his arm?"

"Yeah, I'm Sam's older brother, Dean. We were hunting and Sam accidentally cut his arm with a knife a couple of days ago. But we washed it out and we've kept it clean. It wasn't deep so it didn't seem to need stitches." Dean hoped the doctor wouldn't press him for too many details about the hunt because he wasn't sure he could tell a credible lie in his current state.

"Has Sam had a recent tetanus shot?"

"He had one four years ago when he stepped on a rusty nail." More like a poltergeist had thrown the rusty nail at Sam but the doctor didn't need to know that bit of information. Dean's attention kept straying to the motionless Sam.

"Any known allergies?"

"No, no allergies."

"Can you tell me if he's had any of the following symptoms? Chills, headache, nausea, dizziness?" The doctor reeled off the list quickly.

"I noticed he had chills earlier tonight. And he complained of a headache. I gave him two aspirin. He didn't say he was nauseous but then again he hasn't been eating a lot lately. He was dizzy earlier when he stood up." Dean was racking his brain trying to remember if there was anything else.

"My initial impression is that your brother is suffering from Septicemia. That's blood poisoning in layman's terms. Pending his lab results I'm going to start him on a course of IV antibiotics. I've decided to go ahead and admit him so that we can monitor his response to the IV therapy and to rule out any other problems."

"Will Sam be okay?" Dean hesitantly asked.

"I'll be honest with you. Sam's immune system seems to be compromised. I'm not sure how else to account for the accelerated infection. I'm hopeful the antibiotic will resolve the problem. Do you have any questions right now?"

Dean shook his head no. He was still trying to wrap his mind around blood poisoning. Dean knew he should have fucking killed Gordon for touching Sam.

Dean himself was no stranger to blood poisoning having suffered through a case of it two years ago. But Dean had been in peak condition and one glance at Sam showed that he was anything but that right now. Dean wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

"One last thing. Other than the hunting accident are there any other medical concerns or problems Sam has been having?" Dr. Jackson's question pulled Dean's attention back to him.

"Oh wait, he was in a car accident less than a month ago. But he wasn't seriously hurt."

"Please give the name and location of the hospital where your brother was treated for the car accident to the nurse and we'll get his records. We need to rule out any complications. Just to be on the safe side." The doctor touched Dean on the arm and then disappeared through the door.

Dean approached the gurney where Sam lay. "Please Sammy. You have to be okay." Dean picked up Sam's right hand gently.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dean had been kicked out of the triage room in the ER while the staff wrestled Sam into a gown and finished collecting his lab samples.

"We're ready to move Sam up to the ICU on the second floor if you'd like to come with us," an anonymous face told Dean and Ellen.

Dean didn't know what he thought of Ellen but she had insisted that she wasn't leaving until she knew Sam would be okay.

Dean and Ellen followed as a couple of nurses guided Sam's gurney down the hall and into the elevator.

"Why are you taking Sam to the ICU? I thought the doctor said the antibiotics should take care of the infection?" Dean had been feeling slightly better about Sam's situation after talking to the doctor but he now experienced a kick of adrenaline.

"It's standard procedure in this kind of case. We just want to monitor the patient closely to make sure the IV antibiotic is doing its job and the ICU is the best place to do that." Dean didn't like the way the nurse had referred to Sam as "the patient" but he didn't have the energy to confront her about it.

"If you'll wait right here we'll get Sam situated in his cubicle and then you should be able to stay with him." The nurses pushed the gurney into the cubicle and disappeared out of view with Sam. For some reason Dean felt really nervous when Sam was out of sight but he consoled himself that he would be allowed inside in just a short while.

"Okay, Sam is settled. The ICU RNs will be over in a few minutes to take over his care. Don't be alarmed by all of the equipment in the cubicle. We just want to monitor things to make sure Sam's condition is improving. Do you have any questions?" Dean shook his head no. He wanted the nurse to stop talking so he could go sit with Sam. He needed to be with Sam.

"Okay then. Here's the important part. Only one visitor at a time, family only. As long as the doctor says Sam's condition is stable you'll be allowed to stay with him around the clock. We have a courtesy lounge down the hall – it includes a shower and vending machines - the ICU staff will show you where it's located. I hope your brother's feeling better soon." The nurse who had been speaking winked at Dean and then she and the other nurse left Dean and Ellen alone.

Dean instantly bolted for the door. "Dean? I'm going to run back home and get you boys some clothing. Is that okay?" Dean wasn't sure why Ellen was being so nice but at the moment he was dependent on her help. He couldn't take care of everything and still remain with Sam. Right now Sam was the center of his universe.

"Thanks Ellen. I appreciate everything you've done. I'm going to see how Sammy's doing now." Dean's shoulders were sagging with exhaustion but he turned a tired smile on Ellen. "I'll call if there's any change with Sam. You don't have to rush back here."

"Don't be silly, Dean. I haven't known you boys for very long but you're John's sons. I'm certainly not going to abandon you here to face this by yourself. I'll be back soon." Ellen left as Dean finally entered the cubicle.

"Sammy? What have you done to yourself this time? I swear, no one gets into these kinds of scrapes quite like you do." Dean pulled over a padded chair to the right side of Sam's bed and collapsed in it. "It would be really nice if you woke up and talked to me. You know I hate hospitals."

Sam really did look awful. He had deep purple marks under his eyes. The bruise under his right eye was obscured by the bags but the bruise Dean had given Sam on his left cheek bone stood out in stark relief. The rest of Sam's face was pale. Even his lips looked bloodless.

The skin that was visible on Sam's left forearm seemed even paler than the gauze wrapped around it. As Dean leaned closer he noticed marks that resembled grasping fingers circling each of Sam's biceps. Dean couldn't believe his eyes. "Oh my God. Did I do this?" Dean remembered grabbing Sam by the arms to get his attention earlier.

"Did you get the license plate of the truck that hit me?" Dean couldn't believe it. That was Sam speaking. As far as lines go that wasn't funny in light of the accident with the semi but laughter started bubbling out of Dean.

"Damn. It's good to see your ugly eyes open." Dean stared at Sam's face, disbelief that Sam was actually awake.

"Excuse me. My name is Diane. I'll be taking care of Sam for the next 12 hours. I need to check Sam's vitals." Diane competently began checking the equipment attached to Sam and jotting things down on a clipboard.

While writing the nurse asked Sam, "Do you have any pain anywhere?"

Sam nodded and quietly said, "My head and arm."

"I'm going to let the doctor know that you're awake. In the mean time here are some ice chips for your mouth. I'm sure you're dry. The meds we're pumping into you will do that." The nurse quickly exited the cubicle.

"Dean? What happened?" Sam croaked out. His voice was very raspy.

Sam looked vulnerable. Dean wasn't a touchy feely kind of guy but in that moment he would have swept Sam up into a hug. But there was just too much equipment attached to Sam at the moment to actually do it. Dean settled for reaching out and brushing the bangs away from Sam's eyes. Sam rolled his eyes at Dean. Dean couldn't believe Sam was conscious and talking to him.

"You scared the shit out of me again. That's what happened. Why didn't you tell me you were sick, you knucklehead?" Dean's emotions had done a complete 180. He felt positively giddy at the moment.

"Apparently we have ole Gordy to thank for your current condition. The doctor said something about blood poisoning. But they're pumping you full of some good shit and you'll be up and about in no time."

Dean wasn't actually sure that Sam would regain his health so quickly but now that his Sammy was awake he felt like things could only get better.

"Excuse me for interrupting, boys. Sam, my name is Dr. Jackson and I'll be your treating physician during your stay with us. I'm sure your brother has been filling you in on all of the excitement you missed. I want to check your heart and lungs and then I'll explain what we're doing to treat your condition."

The doctor checked Sam's pupils and then pulled his stethoscope out his pocket. "This may feel a bit cold. Deep breath in and hold…let it out. Again." He moved the stethoscope over Sam's heart and listened intently.

Dr. Jackson then put the stethoscope away and loosely grasped Sam's hands. "I want you to squeeze as tight as you can. Very good."

"Next I'm going to pull the sleeves of your top up and look under your arms. Very good. You can relax know." Dr. Jackson pulled a pen out of his pocket, picked up the clipboard and began writing.

"Okay, we're treating you with IV antibiotics for Septicemia which is also called blood poisoning. We got the results of the rapid culture back. Your infection is caused by Pseudomonas bacteria. You've got the purple-black spots under your arms which confirm my diagnosis. Pseudomonas is naturally resistant to penicillin so we'll be switching your antibiotic. We'll have to continue to check your blood to make sure the antibiotic is working. If it doesn't we'll try another. This can be a very serious condition but we're going to do everything we can to get you well. I think we caught it in time."

"Excuse me Dr. Jackson, but where did Sam pick up the pseudo-whatsis bacteria?" Dean was sure it had something to do with Gordon.

"It's usually caused by standing water. I'm sure it entered Sam's body via the wound on his arm. Were you hunting by a stagnant body of water?" Dr. Jackson asked as scribbled more notes on the clipboard.

Dean audibly gasped as he realized what must have happened. The holy water was the culprit. Bottled up for weeks or months at a time it was definitely stagnant water. That was the only water he and Sam had been around. "Um, yeah," Dean replied. "We were out by a pond."

Sam had been quiet while Dr. Jackson explained his treatment and answered Dean's question. He found his eyes closing as he slipped into sleep again.

"Is that normal? He just woke up?" Dean asked with concern, gesturing to Sam.

"Unfortunately, yes. The infection is taking a toll on his body but now that we're treating it we should begin to see some improvement."

Dean still couldn't believe he had caused Sam's sickness. "He's my only family. I don't know what I'll do if something happens to him."

"Younger brother?" Dr. Jackson asked. At Dean's nod the doctor continued, "I could tell. He's very lucky to have a brother like you watching out for him. I'll be back in a while to check on Sam. A nurse will be in shortly to change out Sam's antibiotic." With that Dr. Jackson left the cubicle.

"Yeah, I'm such a wonderful brother. First I practically tell Sam that he was a bad son. Then I almost take some stranger's word over his. And I punch him. And now I'm the reason Sam's in here." Dean slowly sank back down into the chair. "Some brother I am."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dean found himself nodding off in the chair. The nurses had been in at least every hour to check on Sam's status. The constant interruptions made it hard for him to get any sleep but Sam didn't seem to be bothered by it. Another sign of just how sick his little brother was at the moment.

The nurse had whispered to Dean that Sam's condition was improving during her last rounds. It was possible that his color was a little better but Dean wasn't convinced yet that Sam was on the mend. Sammy was way too quiet and still.

Dr. Jackson walked into the cubicle. "You won't do your brother any good if you make yourself sick. Have you had anything to eat?" the doctor asked Dean as picked up the clipboard and began reading the chart.

"My aunt, Ellen, is going to come by in a while. I'll get something then." Dean wasn't sure how he felt about having Ellen around Sammy but she'd insisted on it last night when she returned with some clothes and toiletries for Dean. Dean didn't have the energy to argue so "Aunt Ellen" had been born. At least that way someone other than Dean could be with Sammy if he had to step out of the room. After all, family visitors only were the policy in the ICU.

"We finally heard back from the hospital where Sam was treated after the car accident you mentioned. I can't believe they released your brother without giving him a simple CT scan. You could probably make a case for a lawsuit if you wanted to pursue it. I went ahead and scheduled a CT for this morning. It's really just a precaution but I'd feel better knowing that we'd ruled out any trauma from the accident as a contributing factor to Sam's condition." The doctor put the clipboard down and leaned over Sam. "It looks like the IV drug therapy is starting to work." Dean felt relief. If the doctor was optimistic then maybe Sam really was getting better.

"Sam?" Dr. Jackson said quietly. "I need you to wake up so that I can do another assessment. Can you do that for me?" The doctor had a nice bedside manner and Dean was glad that he was being so gentle with Sam.

Sam blinked his eyes up at the doctor and momentarily seemed confused. Once he saw Dean he relaxed. "I'm awake," Sam sighed. He'd been dreaming about Jessica and for once it didn't make him sad. It was as if she was nearby.

"Sam, I'm going to ask you to sit up so that I can put the stethoscope on your back and listen to your lungs. I'm going to raise the head of the bed up to help you." Dean looked on anxiously as he watched what the doctor was doing. Sam was staring into the corner of the cubicle with an intense look of concentration.

"That's it Sam. Right there. Here's the cold on your back. Sam?" the doctor was following Sam's gaze, trying to determine what Sam was looking at.

Sam extended his right arm out, pulling on the IV. "Can't you see them? It's Mom and Jess. They said it's time for me to go now."

Dean felt total terror slam through him. "Sammy, stay with me kiddo. You're going to give me gray hair if you keep this up." Dean couldn't see anything but the look on Sam's face said he did and he was happy about it.

Sam suddenly slumped down onto his side and was now facing Dean. What little color he had regained during the night was now bleached from his face. Something started beeping in the room. An alarm was going off. Diane, the nurse, ran into the room.

"His BP is dropping and I don't like his O2 level. Damn, looks like ventricular tachycardia. He's coding! Get that Crash Cart over here stat!" Dr. Jackson was rapidly spitting out orders.

"Sir? You're going to have to give them some room. Let's step out into the hall" Dean didn't recognize the staff person who was trying to lead him out of the cubicle. He was riveted by what was happening to Sammy and he wasn't going to leave him. Dean hovered in the doorway. He wasn't going to stray any farther unless they bodily carried him out. And then they'd have a fight on their hands.

"Push 10ccs of lidocaine. I don't want to use the paddles unless we're forced to. This kid is too fragile for cardioversion." Dr. Jackson continued issuing orders as he stared at the cardiac monitors.

"Intubate him. Easy, easy. Watch the vocal cords. Good. Vitals?" Dr. Jackson listened as a nurse rattled off his current vital signs.

"I want you to call down to radiology and tell them we have an emergency CT on the way. The kid totally bottomed out on me when he sat up. I think we've got a bleed. Move people!" Dr. Jackson yelled. Everyone scurried to help Sam.

Dean stepped out into the hallway to make room for the bed as the staff wheeled Sam out and moved him urgently toward the elevator.

"We're taking your brother back down to the first floor for a CT. We were able to stabilize him. I'll let you know the results of the CT scan right away. I hope your brother is a fighter." Dr. Jackson briskly walked down the hall to catch the elevator with Sam.

"Dean? What happened? I called a while ago and the nurse said Sam was responding to the antibiotics. She said he was better." Ellen had returned to witness the flurry of activity.

"I don't know. He said he saw Mom and Jess and then all hell broke lose. Why would he say that?" Dean was so deeply in shock that he didn't care that he was spilling his guts to Ellen.

"Are you sure that's what he said? I thought Sam said his momma and Jessica were both dead." Ellen was trying to grasp what Dean was saying.

"They are dead. I think Sam's been seeing them for a while. Ever since he got sick. They knew he was dying. I can't believe this." Dean looked like he was ready to pass out.

"Come on honey. We're going to sit right over here and wait for Sam to return. He's a strong young man. He's going to make it." Ellen was trying to comfort Dean but her thoughts kept returning to how sick Sam had looked as they wheeled him down the hallway. They both slumped down in a couple of chairs at the end of the hallway and listened to a clock ticking in the background. Neither one of them spoke.

"Excuse me. Are you Sam Winchester's family?" another nurse approached them. Dean nodded numbly. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the nurse had to say.

"Dr. Jackson wanted me to tell you that the CT revealed a kidney laceration. They're prepping Sam now for surgery. The doctor will be right up to talk to you."

"Why is this happening to Sam? He doesn't deserve this." Dean was crushed by this turn of events. Bobby had told him that Sam had declined treatment after the car crash so that he could watch out for John and Dean. And where did that get him? John was now dead and Sammy…well Sammy could be dying, too. It was Dean's fault that Sam was so sick.

Dr. Jackson approached Dean and Ellen. "It appears that Sam sustained a kidney laceration in the car accident. The tear caused internal bleeding which in turn caused the majority of Sam's symptoms. He's in surgery right now so they can repair the tear. I'm not sure he'll regain the use of that kidney but we'll have to wait and see. I know this comes as quite a shock. But at least now we know what we're dealing with here. We'll let you know as soon as Sam is out of surgery." Dr. Jackson patted Dean on the shoulder and then left the ICU.

Dean leaned over and put his head in his hands. It was all his fault.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Dean and Ellen had been escorted down to the surgical waiting room hours ago. At first Dean was despondent without news of Sam. But with the passing of each hour Dean felt more rejuvenated. No news was good news, right? Dean actually found himself believing that Sam might pull through this. Dean didn't know why he was pinning his hopes on things working out. He couldn't face the alternative. Life without Sam was no life at all.

Dean looked up as Dr. Jackson approached with another doctor in tow. Dean scrambled to his feet with Ellen at his side. Dean couldn't tell the outcome of the surgery because Dr. Jackson seemed so somber. When Dr. Jackson smiled and winked at Dean he nearly passed out.

"This is Dr. Allen. He performed the surgery on Sam. This is Sam's older brother, Dean, and his Aunt, Ellen." Dr. Jackson turned to the other doctor, "Please give them the good news before we have another patient on our hands."

"I'm pleased to say that Sam is in the recovery room and you'll be able to go sit with him in just a moment. It was a difficult surgery on Sam but once we found the bleed and reattached the damaged kidney things smoothed out. It was pretty dicey in the early going but I'm cautiously optimistic that Sam will pull through this." Dr. Allen shook Dean's hand and smiled at him and Ellen. "I'll leave you in Dr. Jackson's hands now. Good luck folks."

"Okay, enough with the pep talk," Dr. Jackson began. "Sam's body is still fighting the effects of the Septicemia and we're going to have to watch closely to make sure it doesn't resettle in his kidney. I'd like to say he's completely out of the woods but I just don't know. His body has had quite a shock and we're not sure if that kidney will ever function again. Unfortunately, after a major surgery like this, it isn't uncommon for the other kidney to stop functioning for a while as well. He'll probably be on dialysis for at a couple of days. Maybe longer. But the important thing is that Sam pulled through the surgery."

"How long before he's completely healed?" Ellen asked hesitantly. Dean was so relieved that Sam was alive that he was speechless.

"It's hard to say exactly. Sam's immune system has been suppressed for a while now so we want to take things slowly. Without further complications we'll probably be able to release him in a couple of weeks. However, at that time we'll still need to monitor his renal function and he'll need therapy to regain his strength." The doctor paused to make sure Dean was following the conversation.

Satisfied that he still had Dean's attention, Dr. Jackson continued, "He's on a ventilator for now. We want to give his body a chance to repair itself and this way his body has to do less work. We hope this will be a very temporary measure. And then we'll need to get Sam up and moving as soon as possible to prevent blood clots or Pneumonia. It will be quite a while before he fully regains his energy again." Dr. Jackson stopped speaking and looked at Dean expectantly.

"Thank you Dr. Jackson. We're both very grateful for everything you've done for Sam," Ellen said, nudging Dean with her elbow.

Dean startled as if out of a trance. "Yeah. Thanks doc. Can I see Sam now?"

Dr. Jackson turned to Dean, "I'll take you back to sit with your brother until he wakes up. But I insist that you eat and get some rest once we settle him back in ICU. I'm serious, Dean. Your brother will be depending on you so you need to take care of yourself. You'll be of no good to him if you collapse."

Dr. Jackson turned back to Ellen, "Please make sure that he takes care of himself. I don't think he realizes how long it will be before Sam is back on his feet."

"I'll do my best, doctor. Now that I know Sam is out of surgery I'm going to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria. That way I can sit with him once he's back in ICU while Dean gets some rest." Ellen hadn't known Sam for very long but something about him struck a chord within her. She hadn't made up her mind about Dean yet but Ellen was glad to help out for Sam's sake.

"Can I please see my brother now?" Dean was practically pleading.

"Right this way. Remember, the fact that he even made it out of surgery says something about his prognosis. Don't let his appearance fool you." And with that Sam got his first glimpse of Sam.

As before Sam was hooked up to every monitor imaginable. Everything about him was limp and lifeless. If the doctor hadn't assured him that Sam's chances of pulling through were decent, Dean would have been lying in a puddle on the floor right now. That's how truly awful Sam looked.

"Oh Sammy. What have I done to you?" A lone tear slowly ran down Dean's face as he approached the bed. Dr. Jackson, realizing he was witnessing a private moment between brothers, slipped out of the room.

Dean pulled a chair over to the bed and fell into it. He listened to the swoosh and the snick of the ventilator and watched Sam's chest move up and down. Once again he took Sam's right hand in his and softly rubbed it. Dean then gently pulled Sam's hand up to his cheek and cradled it. "I can't do this by myself. Please Sammy. Don't leave me." In a moment Dean found himself quietly sobbing. Unable to stop the torrent of emotions Dean rocked back and forth as he continued to hold Sam's hand.

After a few minutes Dean finally forced himself to calm down. His shuddering breathes tapered off. The doctor was right. He needed to be strong for Sam. Dean dashed the tears off his face and tried not to feel sorry for himself. He again felt that familiar rage that had been present within him since his dad died. This time it was focused not on Sam but on himself.

"I said I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you Sam and now look at you. Who am I kidding? I'm not fit to be your brother." Dean was speaking aloud his darkest thoughts. "You've got to come back to me Sammy."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dean's attention was solely focused on Sam and he jumped as a nurse walked into the room. She studied the monitors and then began charting on a clipboard. "The vitals show that your brother is starting to come around. He'll probably be very confused but that's normal as the anesthesia wears off. I'll be back in just a few minutes. Please use the call button if he wakes up before then." Dean nodded his understanding.

As the nurse left the room Sam's eyelashes began to slowly flutter. Was it really possible? It looked like his Sammy was finally going to wake up.

"Sam, can you hear me? It's me, Dean." Dean was leaning forward, Sam's right hand lovingly held between both of Dean's. Dean watched as Sam crinkled his forehead and his eyes opened to mere slits.

"Good morning sunshine. It's about time you woke up." Dean was trying to keep his voice light because he didn't want to startle Sam. The nurse had said he'd probably wake up confused and Dean didn't want to add to that. He longed to see Sam's expressive eyes and know that Sam was aware of his surroundings.

Sam squeezed Dean's hand lightly. That was the only response he gave. His eyes remained at half mast.

"I see you're awake," the nurse stated as she walked back into the room. Dean startled guiltily. He had forgotten to activate the call light in his excitement to see Sam awake.

"Sam, you just had surgery and you're in recovery." The nurse was checking all of the monitors while she talked to Sam. "Don't be alarmed by the tube down your throat. That's the ventilator. Try not to struggle against. Just let it do its job. We'll take it out in a little while. For now just try to relax."

The nurse turned her attention to Dean. "He's getting something for the pain along with a mild sedative to keep him calm." The nurse looked closely at Dean. "Do you feel okay?"

"I'm fine." Dean was actually quite dizzy but he wrote that off to relief. The nurse looked skeptically at him and then left the room.

Dean continued to stare at Sam, willing him to open his eyes more. He must have lost track of time because suddenly Dr. Jackson was back in the room.

"Dean, could I please speak to you outside?" Dean really didn't want to leave Sam again but acquiesced.

"What's up doc?" Dean hadn't meant to parrot Bugs Bunny but he found himself smiling. Dr. Jackson, however, didn't look as though he appreciated the humor. Dean suddenly found himself reeling toward the wall for support. Dr. Jackson was at his side to steady him.

"I knew something like this was going to happen. Dean, I want you to sit over here for a moment. I don't want you to pass out." Dr. Jackson started leading Dean toward a group of chairs at the end of the hall.

"Too late," Dean murmured as he collapsed to his knees. Dr. Jackson was still supporting him and he could hear him talking but couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. And then Dean knew no more as he slid into darkness.

Dean opened his eyes to a bright light overhead. He turned his head as he heard a voice. A female voice said, "Hi Dr. Jackson. He's starting to come around. Yes, I'll tell him you're on your way." Dean saw a nurse hang up a phone.

"What happened?" Dean said. He still felt woozy and wasn't quite ready to sit up yet. He tried to piece together what had happened. Suddenly Dean bolted upright. "Is Sam okay?!"

Dr. Jackson walked into the cubicle at that moment. "Relax Dean. I just came from the ICU where Sam has settled in nicely. Your Aunt Helen is with him right now. How are you feeling?" Dr. Jackson was watching Dean closely.

"I guess you were right, I should have had something to eat." Dean gave Dr. Jackson a crooked smile. "Can I get up now?"

Dr. Jackson pressed Dean back down so that he was lying flat on the table. "Just relax. You were dehydrated so we put in an IV. It looks to me like you've picked up a virus. The good news is that as soon as the IV is complete we'll be releasing you. The bad news is that you won't be able to see Sam until the virus clears. His immune system is too compromised right now to take a chance."

Dean felt deflated. Not see Sammy? He absolutely had to be there for Sam. If he wasn't he was afraid that Sam would think he'd been abandoned. Or worse, something would sneak in and carry him off. There was no way he could comply with Dr. Jackson's request.

Dr. Jackson, seeing the mulish look on Dean's face, said, "Don't misunderstand me. I'm not asking you to stay away from the ICU; I'm actually banning you from setting foot in there. If you want your brother to survive you're going to have to trust me on this. Now, I believe there's a lovely young lady out in the waiting room and she's going to give you a ride home where you're to get as much rest as possible. When you've been fever free for 24 hours then we'll talk about letting you visit with Sam."

Dr. Jackson turned and spoke to the nurse, "The IV is almost finished. I'm going to sign off on the paper work and then you can release him. Try to stress the importance of rest and proper nourishment to him. I'll have someone show his ride back here."

"Remember Dean. Sam will be depending on you when he's released so you need to concentrate on getting yourself healthy." Dr. Jackson pivoted and left the room.

As the nurse began unhooking the IV someone walked into the room. It was Jo. "You gave us quite a scare. Mom said to tell you that she's got everything covered; either she or Cousin Ash will be with Sam at all times until you can see him. Now let's take you home."

Dean allowed himself to be helped up and taken back to Ellen's. The ride was a blur. Dean was reeling. He really felt like crap but maybe with a little rest he'd feel better. He needed to be with Sam and protect him. That was his job. He felt like he was letting Sam down. Again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It had been seven long days since Dean had been allowed to see Sam. Ellen and Ash had been trading off spending time with Sam at the hospital. Ellen would go in at 9:00 a.m. and be there until 9:00 p.m. when Ash would come in for the next twelve hours. Both Ellen and Ash had been good about checking in with Dean and reporting Sam's progress. He had been moved into a private room from ICU yesterday and Dr. Jackson had finally consented to allow Dean a visit with his brother.

Dean found that he was a little nervous. Both Ellen and Ash said they had told Sam that Dean was barred from the ICU with a virus but he was concerned about the reception Sam would give him. He approached the door to Sam's room cautiously and was surprised to hear laughter inside. Ellen was laughing at something Sam had said. Dean felt envious. It should have been Dean at Sam's side, not Ellen.

Dean knocked on the door and said, "Can I join the party?" As Dean entered the room he got his first look at Sam in over a week. Sam still looked pale and bruised but he was sitting up in the bed. At least they hadn't lied to him. Sam was definitely healthier looking then the last time Dean had seen him hooked up to the ventilator and all of that equipment. One lone IV pump was the only apparatus attached to Sam at the moment.

Sam's head swiveled toward the door. "Dean," he simply stated. It wasn't much of a greeting. It was barely acknowledgment. Dean felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. His intuition had been right. Sam wasn't pleased to see him.

"I'm going to leave you two alone. I've got a ton of things to do at home," Ellen said as she leaned forward and kissed Sam on the forehead. Sam smiled up at Ellen as she said, "You behave for those pretty nurses now, you hear?" She nodded to Dean and then exited.

Dean and Sam just stared at each other. Dean finally cleared his throat and said, "They told you the doctor wouldn't let me see you, right?" Dean cringed at the sound of his own voice. He sounded as though he were pleading.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, they told me. I'm glad you're back on your feet again." The words themselves were fine but they seemed to lack sincerity. Sam sounded cold.

"Dude, forget about me. Look at you! The last time I saw you, you couldn't even breathe for yourself. How are you feeling?" Dean sat down in the chair Ellen had vacated and reached forward to brush Sam's bangs out of his eyes saying, "Let me get a good look at you." Sam cringed away which had Dean dropping his hand back to his side. Something was definitely wrong.

Dean was about to ask Sam why he was acting that way when there was another knock on the door. "Hi Sam, I'm Rita and I'm a registered occupational therapist. I thought we'd work on some exercises today so that you can get back to your life. Do you want me to come back in a while?"

"No, that's okay. My brother just stopped in for a brief visit." Sam turned so he could face Dean. "Why don't you go on back to the house and get some rest? After lunch they've got me scheduled for physical therapy and that knocked me on my ass yesterday. But thanks for stopping by."

Dean couldn't believe it. Sam was dismissing him. "I think I'll stick around. I'll be back in a while to see how therapy went." Dean had a hard time keeping the hurt out of his voice. He'd been raking himself over the coals because he couldn't be with Sam this past week and now the ungrateful little brat didn't want him around. Dean decided he'd try to catch up with Dr. Jackson. Something was definitely going on with Sam.

Dean went out to the nurses station. There was a pretty young woman behind the counter and Dean walked up to her trying to catch her attention, "Excuse me, can I talk to someone about my brother?"

The woman turned toward him and uninterestedly asked, "And who is your brother?" Her nametag identified her as 'Julie, RN.'

"Sam Winchester. He's in room…" before Dean could finish his sentence the RN was practically squealing.

"Oh my God. Your Sam's brother? We just love him here. He's such a compliant patient. And he's so sweet. But I guess I don't have to tell you that since you're his brother." Julie was gushing.

"Um, yeah. That's Sam," Dean answered, taken aback by the enthusiasm of the nurse. Sweet was an adjective he's never really thought to apply to Sam. At least not since he hit his teen years. Contrary. Geeky. Smart. But never sweet!

"I was wondering if I could speak with Dr. Jackson for a moment. Do you know if he's on duty?" Dean asked the perky nurse. He wanted an unbiased opinion of what was going on with Sam and apparently he wasn't going to get it out of Julie.

"I'd be happy to page him for you. Just a moment." The nurse walked to phone, pressed a few buttons and then talked for a moment. She put the phone down and smiled shyly at Dean. "Do you know if Sam is seeing anyone right now? I mean, we haven't seen a girlfriend visiting him so we were just wondering." Dean was saved from having to answer when the phone rang. After a brief conversation Julie turned her attention back to Dean. "Dr. Jackson has a moment and he'll be right over to see you."

Thankfully Julie's attention was claimed but another nurse. Dean slunk over to some chairs and waited for Dr. Jackson.

"Dean, it's good to see you," Dr. Jackson's voiced suddenly boomed. "I'm glad you finally kicked that virus."

Dean stood up and shook Dr. Jackson's hand. "Thanks for taking such good care of Sam. I can't believe how much better he seems today," Dean said to the doctor.

"He's really doing great. Of course he only has one functioning kidney at the moment but that's much better than the alternative. He'll be finished on the IV therapy for the Septicemia in two days. Then it's just a matter of letting his body heal and gaining his strength back. I'm really very pleased with his progress." Dr. Jackson smiled at Dean.

"Can I ask you a question, Dr. Jackson?" Dean asked and the doctor nodded. "Does Sam seem okay to you? Mentally that is. Like maybe depression or something like that?" Dean was really hoping Dr. Jackson could shed some light on Sam's odd behavior.

"It's not uncommon for a patient to become depressed after such a serious illness so we've been watching Sam closely for it. So far we haven't seen any signs."

Dean felt let down by Dr. Jackson's answer but pressed on, "He's been acting totally normal, nothing out of the ordinary?"

Dr. Jackson replied, "Other then the night he crashed in ICU when he claimed to see some people in the room he's been a model patient in that regard."

Dr. Jackson, perhaps in an attempt to make Dean feel better, added, "I hear the floor staff fights over who will take care of him every shift. He's quite a young man. You must be proud of your brother."

"Sure doc, sure. Thanks for talking to me," Dean shook Dr. Jackson's hand again.

"If you have any concerns please have a nurse page me. Now if you'll please excuse me I have to get back to my office." Dr. Jackson took off for the elevator.

Having gained no clues from the staff as to why Sam was acting so cold toward him, Dean headed back to the room to wait for Sam. The only way to get to the bottom of things was to flat out ask Sam. His remorse over the holy water and the infection were starting to fade. Who did Sam think he was, treating Dean like that? The familiar anger surged through Dean once again.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was late afternoon and Sam was exhausted. The occupational therapist had put him through his paces, working on his 'activities of daily living.' Who knew showering and brushing your teeth could be so exhausting. After a strained lunch with Dean by his side Sam had spent the afternoon in physical therapy. He just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Unfortunately Dean was still in his room and it looked like he wanted to talk.

There had been a time, not long along, when Sam would have given anything to have Dean eager to talk to him. But lately he'd been having these dreams about Mom and Jessica. They kept telling him to watch out for Dean, that Dean meant him harm. It didn't really make any sense since for as long as Sam could remember it had been Dean who took care of him. Dean had, however, punched him. Not in play, like when sparring, but had intentionally hit him. To hurt him. He found himself uneasy in Dean's company.

The therapist settled Sam into bed, complimenting him on his hard work. If only all of my patients worked that hard, etc., etc. Dean was sick and tired of the Everyone Loves Sam routine. They'd obviously never met the acquaintance of stubborn Sam. Or know-it-all Sam.

Once the therapist disappeared out the door, Dean rounded on Sam. "I want to know what the hell is going on with you and I want to know right now," Dean demanded. Sam squirmed back on the bed, leaning as far away from Dean as possible. "That's what I'm talking about. Right there. Do you think I'm going to hurt you?" Dean continued.

Sam took a deep breathe to compose himself. "I'm sorry Dean. You'll have to forgive me, the last memories I have before waking up in here are of you yelling at me and punching me."

"That's a bunch of bullshit and you know it. You were the one who kept pushing and pushing at me to reveal my feelings, to deal with Dad's death. All that psychobabble they taught you in school. Blah, blah, blah. Well I'm here and I want to talk. So talk." Dean's face was red and his hands were shaking. He loved his brother with all his heart but no one could push his buttons faster.

Sam cringed even farther away from Dean. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you to talk before," Sam's voice broke. Ever since the accident it seemed as though nothing he did pleased Dean. "Do you think we could talk about this tomorrow? I'm really tired right now." Sam was speaking so quietly he was whispering by the time he completed his last sentence.

Sam was looking down at the bed, refusing to look Dean in the eye.

Dean took a good look at Sam. A person really couldn't fake that kind of exhaustion. But things had gone too far and Dean needed to know what was wrong. Otherwise he couldn't fix it. And that was his job as big brother – to fix things for Sam. "Why can't you just tell me what's going on in that geeky head of yours?" Dean kept the pressure on, watching Sam carefully.

It looked like Sam was on the verge of saying something when a nurse knocked on the door and sailed into the room. It was Julie, the wonder nurse. "Hi Sam. I hear you kind of overdid it with the therapy today. The doctor ordered something for the aches and pain if you like." She handed Sam a medicine cup and water and was satisfied when Sam swallowed them down. "This will probably make you a little groggy. Sweet dreams," Julie said as she smoothed the blanket across Sam before leaving the room.

Awkward silence filled the room. "I'm just going to close my eyes for a minute," Sam said so quietly Dean could barely hear him. Sam folded his left arm protectively over his middle and seemed to drop off to sleep instantly. Dean stared at Sam's face, looking for answers even though he didn't quite have the right questions.

Dean leaned back in the chair. So much for getting Sam to talk. Dean wondered if this is how Sam had felt in the days after their Dad's death when Dean had closed Sam out. It really sucked.

After about an hour of watching Sam sleep someone brought a tray in for Sam's supper. Dean was so hungry his stomach began to rumble. He remembered he hadn't had anything to eat since early that morning.

"Sam, dinner time." Dean didn't want to touch Sam again for fear that he'd have a repeat of Sam shrinking away from him. "Wakey, wakey."

Sam's eyes blinked open as he looked with confusion at Dean. He finally saw the tray and waved it away. "It's all yours if you want it. Ash said he'd bring something by later for me to eat."

Anger surged through Dean. Who the hell did Ash think he was? He was on the verge of venting when someone rapped on the door twice and came into the room without invitation. Speak of the devil. Ash had arrived.

"Oh good, dinner's here. I brought you and Sam some food from the deli in town. Do you mind if I have Sam's dinner? I love institution food," Ash said as he dug into the tray with relish.

Dean couldn't maintain his anger in the face of food. "Thanks, I'm starving," Dean said as he tucked into his sandwich. It looked like Sam had drifted off to sleep again.

"So how long has he been out?" Ash said, motioning toward the bed. He looked concerned but he continued to shovel the mystery meat and gravy into his mouth.

"The nurse gave him something for pain about an hour ago and he's pretty much been out ever since," Dean replied. Dean really didn't want to talk to him but Ash had been keeping Sam safe for the last week so he forced himself. "Thanks for watching out for Sam."

"No problem. When he's not sleeping he's good company," Ash replied, his fork's trips between plate and mouth finally slowing down. "I'm glad they gave him something for the pain. I think he's been having a lot of pain but he never asks for anything. Just sucks it up. That's just not healthy, dude. Studies have shown that it takes your body longer to heal when you're in pain." Ash pushed the tray away and belched.

Dean finished up his sandwich and stifled a yawn. It had been a draining day.

"You look all done in. Do you want me to stay here tonight while you get some rest?" Ash offered.

Dean was on the verge of putting Ash in his place. After all Sam was his brother, his responsibility, and they didn't need help from strangers. Only Ellen and Ash had been helping out and they were no longer strangers, at least not to Sam. Maybe Dean needed to regroup and come up with a new strategy.

"Thanks Ash. I think I'll take you up on that offer," Dean finally agreed.

"If you want to catch him when he's awake try to get here around 6 or 7 tomorrow morning. Otherwise he's pretty much crashed," Ash offered. Based on some things Sam had said about Dean, and some things he hadn't, Ash had thought Dean was an uncaring cad. But right now he actually seemed bewildered and scared. More human.

Dean stood up and looked over at Sam. He had been so fired up about Sam ignoring him that he'd failed to see that Sam was still very sick. Some where along the line he'd gotten out of the habit of putting Sam's needs first and that had to change. Now that Dad was gone they only had each other.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Another week had gone by since Dean had been allowed back at the hospital to visit Sam after his bout with a virus. In that week Dean had watched Sam endure lots of therapy, sleep for hours, and avoid Dean. Sam wasn't mean or cold, he just seemed detached. Dean was trying to be patient but that really wasn't his forte. He felt like he was losing his little brother.

"This is it. You ready to blow this pop stand?" Dean asked Sam. It seemed like everyone in the hospital had stopped by at some point this morning to wish Sam well. The funniest goodbyes to witness had been when Sam's cheering section, as Dean had begun to refer to them, had stopped by. The four RNs who had taken care of Sam since he transferred into the private room were all in their twenties and all seemed to have a crush on Sam. Sam seemed oblivious to their feelings and just wanted to leave. Sam was breaking a lot of hearts that day.

"Come on Romeo, let's hit the road," Dean pushed the wheelchair to the elevator. On the way down to the first floor Dean took some time to study Sam. He had made a lot of progress in this last week but right now he looked exhausted. He'd been very nice with everyone who had stopped by to wish him well, thanking them for taking care of him during his stay. Right now he was completely silent and looked like he was going to fall asleep any minute. He had his right hand propped under his chin but looked like he was fighting a losing battle.

"I'll be right back with the car," Dean said as he left Sam by the door. In no time at all he had Sam settled in the passenger seat and they were on their way back to Ellen's.

In deference to Sam's homecoming Dean had the music playing softly. Sam's head was resting against the back of his seat and his eyes were closed but there was a slight smile playing across his lips.

"Something funny?" Dean asked, happy to see something was making Sam smile. Dean sure hadn't been able to manage that trick in a while.

"Just happy to be out of there. Thanks for springing me," Sam replied. He yawned so big his jaw popped. In a moment he was dozing in the late morning sun.

Dean kept glancing over at Sam. His complexion was much healthier looking and the bruises on his face and arms had faded to yellow. Even the knife wound on his left arm was on the mend.

Dr. Jackson had expressed some concern about releasing Sam today, wanting to keep him another day or two, but Sam had talked him into letting him leave. Sam's blood pressure had been a little erratic but Dean and Sam had promised they would be back for Sam's follow up appointment. In the mean time Sam needed to limit his salt, potassium, and phosphorus intake and take his medications. Both boys had received a crash course from the dietician regarding what foods to avoid.

Dr. Jackson also made sure they knew what signs and symptoms to watch for in case Sam's functioning kidney began having problems. It was going to be a life long problem but with monitoring Sam should be able to lead a normal life. With a little time and some conditioning Dean even thought Sam would be able to begin hunting again. But, as with everything else, they hadn't touched on the serious topics yet.

Dean pulled up to their place and turned off the engine. "Sam, we're here. Time to wake up." Sam just kept on sleeping. Dean got out of the car and carried all of the stuff Sam had accumulated while in the hospital inside. Sam still hadn't stirred when he went back outside.

Dean opened the passenger door. "Come on Sam. Are you really going to make be carry your fat ass into the house?" Dean gently shook Sam's right shoulder but that only made Sam tip across the driver's seat. He was out for the count.

Dean carefully pulled Sam's legs out of the door and looped Sam's right arm over his shoulder. He then tugged Sam out further so that he could put his left arm across Sam's back and scoop his right arm under his legs to pull him against his chest. Sam wasn't as light as a feather but he had dropped a lot of weight while in the hospital and Dean carried him inside with ease. He laid Sam out on the bed and set about taking his shoes off. Ellen had wanted to make a special homecoming dinner for Sam. Even though that was six hours away Dean wasn't sure Sam would be awake by then. That's how soundly he was sleeping.

Dean busied himself with putting away the stuff in Sam's bag. Clean t-shirts and PJ bottoms that hung on Sam's frame now. A pair of jeans that would probably slide right off his hips without a belt. Dean was sick of Sam being sick and not just because it was inconvenient. He just wanted to see his brother happy and healthy again.

As Dean was walking toward the bathroom to put Sam's toothbrush away he noticed that Sam was starting to twitch in his sleep. Sam suddenly bolted upright and began speaking, "No, he would never hurt me. You're wrong." Dean jumped about a foot off the ground. Lately when Sam slept he didn't move or make a sound. This was the first evidence Dean had seen that Sam might still be suffering from the nightmares that had plagued him since Jessica's death.

Dean approached Sam with caution, not wanting to startle him. "Sam, it's okay. It's just a dream." Dean sat on the edge of the bed and stared into Sam's haunted eyes.

"They're wrong. Make them stop!" Sam was in distress as he clamped his hands over his ears. Dean reached out and touched Sam on the arm, afraid that he might come up swinging, but unable to ignore his sad situation. Suddenly Sam launched himself into Dean's arms and started crying. A clinging Sam was sobbing in his arms and Dean tried to calm him down. He stroked his hair and back and spoke softly to him. Finally the tears dried and Sam's breathing slowed again. He was fast asleep, curled up in Dean's arms.

Dean wasn't happy that Sam's dreams were still tormenting him but this was the first time in what seemed like forever since Sam had allowed Dean to touch him. Dean remembered how Sam would snuggle in his arms when he was toddler, exhausted from playing, and how content Dean had been to hold him. Sam was his and he was going to do a better job of taking care of him. Starting right now.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Sam spent his days walking around the property for exercise and sleeping. He spent time with Ellen and Ash daily and thankfully Dean had stopped baring his teeth every time they were around. Dean still felt proprietary when it came to Sam but he acknowledged to himself that Ellen and Ash were good for Sam. Dean had pledged that he would do a better job of taking care of Sam and if that meant having other people around Sam, so be it. At least for the short term.

Sam and Dean still hadn't addressed any of the serious subjects, preferring instead to spend time quietly with one another instead of risking a fight. At least that's how it seemed. Sam no longer pushed Dean to tell him why he seemed so angry and Dean quit hounding Sam about why he was so quiet. There was still a lot of healing that needed to take place.

Sam, for his part, was still having strange dreams featuring his mom and Jess but he no longer dreamed that Dean wanted to harm him. Dean was many things but he was a protective older brother first and foremost. Every once in a while Sam found himself chanting the phrase "They're here" to himself. He didn't know what it meant but it creeped him out. He thought about asking Dean what he thought but was afraid Dean would have him committed if he voiced his concerns.

Sam knew he hurt his brother every time he shied away from him. Unfortunately so much damage had been done between the brothers that Sam didn't know how to make the first move in repairing it. He knew he was being apathetic. He just really lacked the energy to get into it with Dean. They seemed to have reached an accord and Sam didn't want to risk pushing Dean away again.

Dean had been helping out at the Roadhouse. His natural charm worked wonders on the clientele and his tips would have been phenomenal if he had worked the evening hours. Working there allowed him to spend time around Jo but primarily he wanted to pay back Ellen for allowing them to stay on her property but he insisted that he be with Sam in the evenings and at night. Those were the times when Dean felt closest to Sam and he didn't want to give that up yet.

Sam didn't realize that Dean had figured out his nightmares were back. When the dreams came Dean would hold Sam and sooth him until he fell into a peaceful sleep again. For Dean it was like returning to a simpler time when his only job was to watch Sam. No hunts, no credit card scams, and no depression.

Dean had once heard that depression was anger turned inward. If that was true then he thought Sam had one nasty case of it. Dean, trying to be honest with himself, realized that he was depressed, too. But his depression manifested itself in outward displays of anger. He had to work hard every day not to lose his temper, be it at Ellen, Ash, Jo or even Sam.

Ellen and Ash had both noticed Dean's anger management problems and discussed it between themselves. They didn't dare say anything in front of Jo because she always leapt to Dean's defense. To them it seemed as though the situation between Sam and Dean was a powder keg ready to explode. Dean struggled mightily with his anger and Sam seemed to sink into further despondency. At least both brothers were mending physically. Hopefully with time their other issues would mend as well.

"Hey Dean, telephone call for ya," Jo sang across the bar at Dean. Dean never paid attention when the phone rang anymore. He didn't think he'd checked his cell phone for messages in over a month. He was with Sam most of the time and that was the only person he truly cared to hear from at the moment.

"Hello? Hey Bobby. How's it hanging?" Dean was surprised to hear Bobby's voice. For some reason he hadn't thought to let Bobby know when Sam fell ill and was in the hospital. Kind of strange considering it was Bobby who had pointed out that Sam didn't seem to be doing very well.

Bobby, although accustomed to being alone, had missed having the Winchester boys around. He had a simple salt and burn that he thought would be up Dean's ally and he was hoping Dean would bring Sam down to visit. Bobby quickly explained the job to Dean and asked him to think about it and let him know in a day or two. Bobby then asked about Sam.

"Hey Jo, could you please tell my brother he's got a phone call? I think he's out back with Ash," Dean asked. Dean was energized at the thought of hitting the road again but not at the expense of Sam's health. Although Dean enjoyed spending time with Jo he was ready to part company with "Aunt" Ellen and "Cousin" Ash for a while. Maybe if he could get Sam alone they'd be able to get things back on safer footing. Back to normal.

Sam ambled slowly into the bar from outside. "Who is it?" he asked Dean.

"It's another one of your babysitters," Dean smirked at Sam. He really hoped they'd be able to take the Impala out on the hard road again. God, he'd missed that.

Sam just rolled his eyes at Dean and took the phone. "Hi Bobby. Yeah, I'm good. Oh really? We'll talk it over and get back to you. Thanks for the offer." Dean could only hear Sam's side of the conversation but it sounded as though Bobby had told him about the perspective job for Dean. Sam's expression was pretty flat but that was the new norm these days. Dean couldn't tell what Sam thought about Bobby's invitation.

"Step outside?" Dean asked, holding the door for Sam. Sam slowly walked around outside to the back of the bar and leaned against the Impala with Dean next to him. It used to irritate Sam that Dean always hovered near Sam's elbow as if he thought he was going to pass out but as with most things lately the irritation had faded to acceptance.

Dean, feeling impatient but not wanting to influence Sam's decision, asked, "What do you think about what Bobby said?" Dean still couldn't gauge Sam's feelings on the matter.

"I say we go for it. Bobby doesn't seem to mind babysitting me," Sam said with a ghost of a smile, "and I can see you're itching for some action." Sam knew Ellen and Ash had worked hard to provide him with some stability and that he should probably not leave the shelter they offered so soon. But he didn't want to deny Dean this opportunity. Lately Sam had felt like he was a burden to Dean and he didn't want to be one.

Dean's face erupted into a huge smile. "When do you want to leave? I need to change the oil on the car, do some laundry, and break the news to my adoring fans that we'll be away for a while. So much to do and so little time." Dean felt a surge of euphoria.

"I can do the laundry. You won't let me within ten feet of the Impala unless I'm just a passenger so I can't help you with the oil. As for your adoring fans, only in your dreams." Sam was trying to work up some enthusiasm for the trip. As the moment it was enough to see Dean so happy. "I'll go let Ellen know we'll be taking off in the morning. Will that give you and her," Sam gestured to the Impala, "enough time?"

Dean motioned to Sam to get a move on it, "Plenty of time." Dean watched Sam shuffle back toward the front of the bar. "Hey Sam? Thanks. You won't regret it, I promise." Sam smiled and nodded before continuing on his way.

Dean had the car ready to go in no time and went inside to tell Jo they were leaving in the morning. He saw Sam, Ellen and Ash sitting at a table at the far end of the room. Dean could hear Ellen saying, "Are you sure, honey? We love having you around. It seems like it's too soon for you to be moving on with your kidney and all." Dean couldn't quite catch what Ash said but Sam reached out and slugged him in the arm.

The three of them stood up and Sam hugged first Ellen and then Ash. Dean felt that familiar jealousy again as Sam touched his "new family." Sam never seemed content with just his brother and it was starting to wear on Dean. But he consoled himself with the thought that he and Sam would be back out on the road again. Just the two of them. Just like normal.

---------------------------------------------------

Author's note:

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this story. It was my first ever fan fiction and it means a lot to me that you would spend your time reading it.

You might have noticed that I've ended this story with an eye to a sequel. Sam's a burden and Dean's jealous. Hmmm, sounds like the makings of an interesting road trip.

Thanks again. Unit next time…


End file.
